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Raising Teens - Five Simple Principles
Many Parents Forget
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| By Michael Grose |
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Sometimes as parents we need reminding
about some of the basics of raising young
people. Here are fives simple, yet power
principles to help you raise caring, community-minded
responsible young people.
1. Hand over power and responsibility to
teenagers
Essentially our job as parents is to make
ourselves redundant. This means we let young
people take increasing responsibility for
their own well-being. It means they increasingly
make decisions for themselves however they
need to experience the consequences of their
choices so they can improve adjust their
decisions and behavior accordingly.
2. Set limits for identity formation (as
well as safety)
When your young person was small you set
limits and boundaries to keep him or her
safe and also to teach him about the rights
of others. Now that you have an adolescent
the purpose of limits has broadened to include
identity formation. He or she is trying
to work out who they are, and what they
are capable of doing. This identity formation
involves an element of risk, but needs to
occur within an open field of choices. A
young person sorts through choices, tries
a few and embraces some.
3. Use choices and consequences like a
good cop
The key to using choices and consequences
effectively is to use them like a good cop,
not a bad or rude cop. Be calm, be pleasant,
and be dispassionate when you use them.
You want young people to be mad at themselves,
not at you. If you are angry or implement
consequences in a vindictive manner young
people will more than likely be angry with
you, not themselves.
4. Use a problem-solving approach individually
One way of dealing with teenagers is using
a problem-solving approach. That is, you
state the rule: "I need you home safely
by…….o'clock." And then follow
up saying, "Let's come up with some
ways to make this work for you and me."
Then generate some ideas and pick a solution
and try it. Talk in a week or two to see
if it is working.
5. Choose your battles wisely - don't sweat
the small stuff!
The trick to with living cooperatively
with teenagers is not to fight with them
over the minor events. It is easy to become
caught up in battles over relatively inconsequential
issues such as bedroom tidiness and appearance,
or school uniforms, which are inconsequential
in the broader scheme of life. The trouble
with sweating over the small stuff is that
relationships are damaged with young people
over issues of relatively little importance.
It also drains energy away so that when
there really is a need to hold some ground
over an important issue such as a young
person coming home at a reasonable time
from a party there is just nothing left
to fight with.
Michael Grose is a popular parenting educator
and parent coach. He is the director of
Parentinginc, the author of seven books
for parents and a popular presenter who
speaks to audiences in Australian Singapore
and the USA. For free courses and resources
to help you raise happy kids and resilient
teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Grose
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