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| 12
Ways To Unleash The Courage Within |
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| By Gabriel Daniels |
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What you are about to learn are very powerful
ways to help you get from where you are
to where you want to go. When you consistently
apply the principles below, you will notice
a dramatic and positive change in your life.
Before we move on, though, I’d like
to explain why I use the word “unleash.”
I am convinced that courage is already
within us all and only needs to be “unleashed.”
There’s a part of us that knows this—whether
or not we readily admit it. We only need
to accept this fact.
For many years, we have been taught by
society, and sadly, even by our well-meaning
relatives or friends, why we should not
do something, or why we should not pursue
a particular goal. They try to discourage
us in a number of ways. Sometimes, it may
not be that they don’t believe in us
or our ideas, but that they feel that if
they were to pursue the idea/goal themselves,
they wouldn’t have the courage to do
it—they would be too afraid.
In other words, they pass on their fears
to us unconsciously (and unintentionally).
Unfortunately, we end up making fewer attempts
as a result. And the less we attempt to
do something because of fear (the fears
others programmed into us) the less our
minds believe that courage is already within
us. And the less our minds believe that
courage is already within us, the more it
becomes true (a reality) for us.
In my first article, Run Freely (A Lesson
About Courage), I shared with you an important
lesson I learned, through observation, many
years ago—and that is: Courage has
always been inside of us from the time we
were children. (And since we were all children
at one time, courage is inside “all”
of us.)
Courage is not something that comes from
outside of us (although external factors
or influences can help in drawing that courage
out, or can help in getting us to be more
in touch with that courage—and that's
what I would like to share with you in the
principles below), because absolute courage
(or fearlessness) is the very nature of
our “spirit” (at least here in
the physical world—I say “physical”
because in the physical world, nothing can
harm a spirit...and another reason I stress
“physical” is because others may
say, “The devil is a spirit. Why, then,
does the devil fear God?”).
I love the quote I read in one of Wayne
Dyer's books years ago. (Wayne Dyer, by
the way, is a highly recognized best-selling
author and motivational speaker.) The quote
was actually by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin...and
it goes like this:
We are not human beings having
a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having
a human experience.
I figured, that's probably why kids (especially
those at an early age) are so courageous
(and less self-conscious). They are more
in touch with that “spirit” part
of themselves.
In fact, I believe that through the years,
as people grow up towards adulthood, they
have gotten less and less in touch with
that “spirit” part of themselves
due to the many self-created (or imaginary)
fears—or due to fears that have been
passed on to them by others (or society).
These fears started to gradually cover up
their fearless nature—their very essence
or core—just like mold gradually covers
up a piece of fresh bread left out in the
open.
Keeping the above in mind, here, then,
are 12 ways (I'll cover more in future articles)
to unleash the courage within:
1. Reinforce in your being the conviction
that you are a “fearless” spirit
in a physical body. It's your true nature.
It's your very essence. Accept this fact
and your life will change in positive ways.
Detach yourself from the fear of the body,
and the mind, clinging instead to the fearlessness
of the spirit.
~ Chin-Ning Chu ~
It is in your power to discover that who
you really are has nothing to fear, but
that you make yourself fearful each time
you look outside of yourself for some power
to make you feel fearless.
~ Vernon Howard ~
2. Simply attempt. JUST DO IT. Avoid overanalyzing
(which usually results in procrastination).
Once you've decided to do something, just
do it (avoid delaying unnecessarily).
Over time, this reinforces the feeling
of courage in your nervous system. You'll
be more and more in touch with the courageous
part of yourself. And as a result, taking
action (without hesitating) will feel more
natural to you.
It is not because things are difficult
that we do not dare, it is because we do
not dare that things are difficult.
~ Seneca ~
Do it like there's no one watching, do
it like you don't need the money, do it
like you just can't lose, JUST DO IT.
~ Nike Ad ~
In other words, do your best not to give
fear (or excuses) a chance to creep in.
Why? Because when that happens, the following
is what normally results (as Seneca's quote
explains):
A man who suffers before it is necessary
suffers more than is necessary.
Also, as Publilius Syrus’s quote explains:
Valor grows by daring, fear by holding
back.
3. Give yourself permission to be courageous
(avoid allowing yourself to be cowardly).
And avoid giving others (or anything) permission
to make you feel fearful. The key word here
is “permission.”
Understanding this principle and applying
it in your daily life will empower you in
ways you may not have imagined before. It
puts you in a powerful position because
it gives you control (in other words, you
won't be just a mindless punching bag to
others). You are able to “consciously”
decide whether or not someone will influence
you in a negative way. As a result, you'll
be more at ease in dealing with others,
no matter who they are.
You see, the reason some people are bullied
is because “they permit it.” They
give permission to the bully to bully them.
But the moment they no longer give permission
to the bully to mistreat them, the bully
loses his/her power.
(There's an excellent section on this concept
of “permission” in Gerry Spence's
book, How To Argue And Win Every Time.)
No one can make you feel inferior without
your permission.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~
Starting now, never again permit hard or
disapproving facial expressions to intimidate
you.
~ Vernon Howard ~
4. Reinforce the belief that the only power
others have is the power you give them.
Their power comes from you. In fact, it
is your gift to them. Their power is merely
“your perception” of their power
(in other words, the source of their power
is in your mind). And you have a choice
at any moment how much power you will give
them.
This very powerful principle can be applied
to fears/anxieties you may have when dealing
with others. As you regularly apply this
principle, you’ll be more at ease when
dealing with anyone, even authority figures
or influential people. Also, with this knowledge,
it will be in your power to give “less”
or “no” power to those who like
to abuse it (ex. bullies or difficult people
in general).
This empowers you, and reinforces your
courage at the same time, because you are
in a position to make a “conscious”
decision (just like principle 3 above).
People won’t be able to abuse power
because their power comes from you in the
first place. At any moment, you can easily
take back any power you’ve already
given them...“just by deciding.”
(Again, there's an excellent section/chapter
on this principle in Gerry Spence's book,
How To Argue And Win Every Time.)
No human being has any authority over you.
Your life belongs to you and to you alone.
No scowling face or irritated manner, no
challenging posture or threatening tone
has any power to make you feel nervous or
anxious, frightened or angry. This is a
fact; and anyone who is tired of letting
someone else tell them how to feel can use
this self-liberating principle to win true
and lasting independence. Your true nature
answers to no man.
~ Vernon Howard ~
No one can make you happy or sad or excited
or angry unless you give them that power
over your life. Decide right now to only
give your power to those things, circumstances,
and people that support you in getting what
you want.
~ Marshall Sylver ~
Don't let the negativity given to you by
the world disempower you. Instead give to
yourself that which empowers you.
~ Les Brown ~
5. Reinforce the belief that the only power
“anything” has is the power you
give it. The power that events and experiences
have over you will depend on the meaning
you give them. (Two people can go through
similar experiences but will respond in
completely different ways, depending on
what meaning they give those experiences.)
Again, just like principles 3 and 4 above,
applying this principle will empower you
because you will have the ability to make
a “conscious” decision (it gives
you the power of “choice”—you
get to choose how you will perceive or interpret
any event, experience, etc.).
Nothing has any power over me other than
that which I give it through my conscious
thoughts.
~ Anthony Robbins ~
If you are distressed by anything external,
the pain is not due to the thing itself
but to your own estimate of it; and this
you have the power to revoke at any moment.
~ Marcus Aurelius ~
Nothing has any power except the power
that you give it.
~ Marshall Sylver ~
6. Apply the “calmness linked to fear”
technique (a powerful technique that can
help you remain calm in situations that
would normally trigger fear/anxiety).
Imagine one of your biggest fears, whatever
it is (a situation, a thing, a specific
person, a type of person, etc.). Then imagine
or visualize (in “associated”
mode—meaning, you are seeing things
in your surroundings from inside your own
body...and not watching yourself as an actor
on a movie screen) yourself being calm—being
relaxed.
For example, if one of your biggest fears
is having confrontations with certain types
of people (ex. bullies or difficult people),
imagine the bully in front of you (you can
do this with your eyes open or closed—whatever
is more comfortable for you), yelling at
you—at the top of his/her voice, insulting
you, putting you down, “commanding”
you (like a dictator) to do things, etc.
(imagine the worst case scenario). And while
the bully is doing these things to you,
“consciously” relax your body.
Be aware of any tension in your body, then
think “relax.” Be aware of your
breathing to make sure it's not shallow
or too fast. Breathe naturally...in a relaxed
manner. Feel your body becoming more and
more relaxed as you imagine the bully doing
his/her all to shake your foundation.
You could even smile...and I mean “actually
smile”...or smile inside...while you're
looking straight at him/her (as if you were
saying to him/her, “Who are you trying
to fool?”). Or even laugh inside...while
you're looking at him/her. Whatever it takes
for you to reach an empowering state—a
“calm” or “relaxed”
state.
The goal of this exercise is to link/associate
the feeling of “calmness” or “being
relaxed” with that particular fear
(in this case, the bully) you're imagining.
If you do this exercise effectively (by
the way, you can do it as many times as
needed—although I’ve found that
one or two sessions usually does the trick),
when you are put in a situation where you
have to face that particular fear (ex. the
bully), you will feel calm or relaxed. Or,
at the very least, the fear (or anxiety)
you normally would have felt will have decreased
dramatically to the point where it no longer
bothers or paralyzes you.
7. Constantly work on increasing your self-awareness—your
self-knowledge. As some would say: Know
thyself.
The more you know about yourself (your
strengths, weaknesses, fears, beliefs, goals,
motives, etc.), the calmer, more confident,
and more courageous you'll be.
When two people meet, the prize always
goes to the one with the most self-insight.
He will be calmer, more confident, more
at ease with the other.
~ Vernon Howard ~
He who knows much about others may be learned,
but he who understands himself is more intelligent.
He who controls others may be powerful,
but he who has mastered himself is mightier
still.
~ Lao-Tzu ~
8. Make a list of the following, and review
regularly, or once in a while (depending
on the need), to serve as empowering reminders:
• Your past successes/victories
• Risks you've taken in the past
• Your past courageous acts
By reminding yourself of past victories,
courageous acts, etc., it helps empower
you in the present moment. Basically, what
you’re saying to yourself, as you face
the present challenge, is, “I’ve
succeeded many times before, therefore I
can do it again.” Or, “I’ve
been victorious many times in the past,
therefore I can be victorious again.”
9. Surround yourself with others who help
uplift your spirit. Avoid associating with
those who like to bring you down or belittle
your ideas (either because they don't believe
in you or your ideas—or because they
know they would be fearful in the same situation...and
they want you to feel the same way so they
won’t be alone in feeling that way).
In other words, choose your environment
(which includes the people who surround
you on a regular basis) wisely.
Remember: Courage is contagious. And so
is cowardice.
We need to find the courage to say NO to
the things and people that are not serving
us if we want to rediscover ourselves and
live our lives with authenticity.
~ Barbara De Angelis ~
To succeed in life, you have to forget
about most people. If you want to rise to
the top, you have to disregard the opinions,
reactions, and warnings of others.
~ Ken Roberts ~
10. Get used to dealing with the unexpected
(or uncertainty). In other words, don't
wait until you have all the answers, or
until you know it all, before taking any
action. Don't wait until all conditions
are perfect before taking the necessary
steps you know you should take.
By mastering this skill, you’ll be
able to go out there in the world with courage
and confidence, taking one action after
another, no matter what the conditions may
be. You’ll be so used to dealing with
the unexpected (having the ability to handle
anything that comes your way) that even
during times when you are not quite 100%
prepared, you’ll feel confident in
taking action.
The number one characteristic of students
who later become heads of companies is the
ability to withstand uncertainty.
~ David A. Thomas, Dean, Cornell Business
School ~
It is the individual's ability to deal
with the unexpected that characterizes the
difference between success and failure.
~ Ross Perot ~
The following quotes explain why it’s
usually not a good idea to wait until "all
conditions are perfect" before taking
action:
If you wait until the wind and the weather
are just right, you will never plant anything
and never harvest anything.
~ Ecclesiastes 11:4 (Good News Bible) ~
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible
objections must be first overcome.
~ Samuel Johnson ~
11. Simply decide that fear will not get
in your way no matter what. If you happen
to feel fear, for whatever reason, do what
you have to do anyway. Act in spite of fear.
You don't have to wait until the fear is
gone. Like Susan Jeffers's book suggests:
Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.
In spite of fear, do what you have to do.
~ Chin-Ning Chu ~
Courage is acting in spite of fear.
~ Howard W. Hunter ~
12. Apply the “I have nothing to prove”
or “I don't have to prove anything”
attitude. Avoid feeling the need to prove
yourself to anyone. Just be your natural
self. Express your true self.
In fact, always make it your goal to “express,”
not “impress.” When you’re
focused on “expressing,” you’ll
be more at ease.
Your true nature never needs to anxiously
prove itself to others, but lives in calm
command, like a popular king.
~ Vernon Howard ~
The real acid test of courage is to be
just your honest self when everybody is
trying to be like somebody else.
~ Andrew Jensen ~
The time men spend in trying to impress
others, they could spend in doing the things
by which others would be impressed.
~ Frank Romer ~
Naturalness is the easiest thing in the
world to acquire, if you will forget yourself—forget
about the impression you are trying to make.
~ Dale Carnegie ~
This above all: to thine own self be true.
~ William Shakespeare ~
[In addition to the 12 principles above,
read my article, How To Be Confident And
Relaxed When Speaking Before A Group Of
People (Powerful Tips To Help You Become
A Highly Effective Speaker/Presenter), if
you haven't done so already. You'll find
that many of the principles in that article
can be applied to life in general.]
I would like to end this article with a
beautiful story I read many years ago.
Michaelangelo, the world famous painter,
sculptor, and architect was once asked how
he could carve such magnificent statues.
And he answered, “The perfect statue
is already there within the block of marble.
I simply chip away the excess.”
And so it is with courage. It's already
there within you. You only need to create
or devise ways (like the ones I shared with
you above) to chip away—or get rid
of—any unnecessary fears, worries,
apprehensions, etc., so that the courage
within you will be unleashed more fully.
About the author:
Gabriel Daniels publishes Confidence &
Courage Tips...To Help You Realize Your
Dreams. For more tips, strategies, stories,
quotes, and more...to empower and inspire
you to take action...so you can get what
you want out of life, visit his website
at: http://confidencetips.blogspot.com
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